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We learn early in life that it’s OK to ask for help. (I still smile when I think about my son proudly announcing, “Help, please!” in Pre-K whenever he needed someone to open his yogurt.) |
Then, quickly, we are taught that independence is the goal. “Help, please!” becomes “I can do it myself.” |
We tend to remember that lesson and forget the first. But we need both independence and other people’s help throughout our lives, writes Joan M. Cook, a trauma psychologist at the Yale School of Medicine. In her Sunday essay for TIME, she offers pointers for how to ask for help as a grown-up. |
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TODAY’S TOPICS |
Help wanted Got a question for us? A new drug approval
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SUNDAY READ |
How to ask for help when you need it |
By Joan M. Cook |
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VladSt—Getty Images |
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We all know at least one or two adults who like to have things done for them: someone to run their errands, drive them to the doctor, pick up their medications and groceries. My mother was like this. I was what is referred to as the parentified child, taking care of her since I was a young girl until she died seven years ago. I was so put off by my mother’s complete reliance on other people that I went in the opposite direction; I became a psychologist who strongly prefers to do everything for herself. |
I learned over time that the problem with excessive self-reliance or stoicism is that it isn’t always, or even often, effective. As a psychologist, I had to learn and teach myself, as well as my patients, the importance of asking for help when one needs it. As I tell my patients (and as I learned to tell myself), we do ourselves a disservice by not asking for and accepting help when we need it. |
No one can go through life alone. Humans are social beings, and we are designed to be interconnected with one another. Being able to effectively ask for and receive help also makes us stronger and more independent over time. |
Read the full essay here.
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PLEASE ADVISE |
Ask the health team |
Have a burning health or wellness question? Wondering how to handle a tricky social situation? Please write to healthmatters@time.com, and we’ll weigh in weekly in the newsletter. |
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WHAT WE’RE READING |
Could spending a day with naturists cure a condition known as “shy bladder”? Robert Ashton at the Guardian recounts the surprisingly freeing experience that seemed to do exactly that. With measles cases rising and vaccination rates falling, many public health experts say they’re worried about the reliability of the information coming from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Rob Stein writes for NPR. On Friday, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved a first-of-its-kind drug that protects against muscle loss in the rare disorder spinal muscular atrophy (SMA), Jonathan Wosen reports for STAT.
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