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Therapists are too eager to encourage people to go “no contact” with their parents and distance themselves from siblings, spouses, and friends, writes Harvard psychologist David H. Rosmarin in a provocative Saturday read for TIME. |
Not only is it damaging, he writes, but it’s also a missed opportunity. “Relationships themselves teach basic psychological capacities such as regulating emotions, tolerating disappointment, and negotiating differences—skills which therapy is supposed to cultivate." |
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TODAY’S TOPICS |
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SATURDAY READ |
Therapy has a relationship problem |
By David H. Rosmarin |
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Some relationships need to end. |
Years ago, I treated a woman whose husband was deliberately trying to drive her toward suicide while attempting to extract money from her family. What struck me was not only the cruelty of his behavior, but his complete lack of empathy or remorse for the harm he was causing. Leaving him was necessary, and the woman is now happily remarried. |
Most troubled relationships look nothing like that. They involve disappointment, resentment, misunderstanding, conflicting needs, old wounds, and people who have never learned how to reconcile after hurting one another. In more than 20 years of clinical practice, that extreme case remains the only time I directly recommended divorce. |
Mental-health professionals have become remarkably good at helping clients identify unhealthy relationships. We have a sophisticated vocabulary for boundaries, trauma, toxicity, narcissism, gaslighting, and emotional safety. But I worry that we are far less effective at helping people navigate difficult but meaningful connections. |
Read the full essay here. |
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PLEASE ADVISE |
Ask the health team |
Have a burning health or wellness question? Wondering how to handle a tricky social situation? Please write to healthmatters@time.com, and we’ll weigh in weekly in the newsletter. |
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WHAT WE’RE READING |
Is the U.S. really seeing a surge in foodborne illnesses right now? Rebecca Schneid digs in for TIME. A quarter of Americans say they use AI chatbots to diagnose their symptoms, according to a Pew survey out this week. Before your next swim in a lake or river, read this: Matthew Pearce at the Guardian explains the germy risks of so-called “wild swimming.”
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